She died in 2021. Of breast cancer, weirdly enough. I cut off all ties when when I was 22, so it was surreal. My grandmother cryptically said once my mother admitted she knew I had been abused. But she took it back and never reached out. It sucks but - well - we all have our fair share of suck. ;) <3
I haven’t lived your life, Ren, but having lived mine, your words are echoing down the inescapable gravity well where my family was supposed to be. People can be black holes, pulling down every bit of light and time and hope. How could you not have run from that? I’m sad for the hugeness of your loss, but I am so glad you got away.
Isn't it astounding really, how the specifics of family pain are not all that important when it comes to the "kinship" of those of us who have been through it, or lost it, or need to leave it, etc. etc. Thank you for the warm words. And a virtual hand squeeze back.
Thank you. Being free of it is a complex thought. I believe what we experience makes us who we are, but good can come from bad. And if not good, better. 😀
I keep returning to your writing, I don't want to miss it. I just want you to know that your gift and your craft and whatever else you use to do what you do... turns me inside out in a way that we can only hope writing will. You deserve to be read and heard. Respected and comforted.
Feeling this, Ren. I felt jubilant when you tore up the will! It’s a relief to affirm our strength. Sounds like your grandmother was a kind listening presence.
I think tearing up the will was a perfect ritual. My grandmother was a complicated women. She tried to hold on to people she loved and let go of those who hurt her. She was good to me.
I enjoy the way you write these memoir pieces, Ren. Such well-crafted prose, with a poet’s sensibility. Seemingly disparate parts that seem disjointed, somehow dovetail at the end. Such a visual feast too.
Oh, Ren, this is painful. I'm so sorry that you're still running, but glad you've also drawn the consequences.
Families, whether or not we ever felt a part of them, are burdens and shackles, pains and illuminations. It wasn't until I went into therapy in 2018 that I realised how much damage my parents had inflicted on me in so many ways, inflicted injuries on me that I had started inflicting on those I love and who love me. No more. It's done. Just about everything associated with my parents is no longer in my house nor my life. Except for the scars.
Part of my soul resonates with your words. Happy family? Seriously? Then, I remind that cynical side of myself that I've been lucky enough to find someone whose family embraced me - literally - from the beginning. And how weird those hugs felt. My family never hugged or said I love you or laughed or encouraged.
Ugh! Is this a recent death? I would say I’m sorry for your loss, and I am, but it’s the one that happened when you were young.
She died in 2021. Of breast cancer, weirdly enough. I cut off all ties when when I was 22, so it was surreal. My grandmother cryptically said once my mother admitted she knew I had been abused. But she took it back and never reached out. It sucks but - well - we all have our fair share of suck. ;) <3
God. I'm sorry.
I haven’t lived your life, Ren, but having lived mine, your words are echoing down the inescapable gravity well where my family was supposed to be. People can be black holes, pulling down every bit of light and time and hope. How could you not have run from that? I’m sad for the hugeness of your loss, but I am so glad you got away.
Isn't it astounding really, how the specifics of family pain are not all that important when it comes to the "kinship" of those of us who have been through it, or lost it, or need to leave it, etc. etc. Thank you for the warm words. And a virtual hand squeeze back.
That was excellent.
Thank you!
It makes me sad you suffered this offense so young. I am familiar with childhood abuse, and I am so glad you freed yourself.
Thank you. Being free of it is a complex thought. I believe what we experience makes us who we are, but good can come from bad. And if not good, better. 😀
Absolutely, and yes perhaps not free but safe. I fought the memories for many years until I realized it’s all part of the sculpture that is me.
That's a strong image. 🧡
I keep returning to your writing, I don't want to miss it. I just want you to know that your gift and your craft and whatever else you use to do what you do... turns me inside out in a way that we can only hope writing will. You deserve to be read and heard. Respected and comforted.
This comment means the world to me, Laury. I will return to it on those (many) days I feel like I'm not being heard.
Feeling this, Ren. I felt jubilant when you tore up the will! It’s a relief to affirm our strength. Sounds like your grandmother was a kind listening presence.
I think tearing up the will was a perfect ritual. My grandmother was a complicated women. She tried to hold on to people she loved and let go of those who hurt her. She was good to me.
I enjoy the way you write these memoir pieces, Ren. Such well-crafted prose, with a poet’s sensibility. Seemingly disparate parts that seem disjointed, somehow dovetail at the end. Such a visual feast too.
Thank you!
Oh, Ren, this is painful. I'm so sorry that you're still running, but glad you've also drawn the consequences.
Families, whether or not we ever felt a part of them, are burdens and shackles, pains and illuminations. It wasn't until I went into therapy in 2018 that I realised how much damage my parents had inflicted on me in so many ways, inflicted injuries on me that I had started inflicting on those I love and who love me. No more. It's done. Just about everything associated with my parents is no longer in my house nor my life. Except for the scars.
R
It is unthinkable to me that there are happy familes.
Part of my soul resonates with your words. Happy family? Seriously? Then, I remind that cynical side of myself that I've been lucky enough to find someone whose family embraced me - literally - from the beginning. And how weird those hugs felt. My family never hugged or said I love you or laughed or encouraged.
Much love to you and thank you for sharing.